Get over my past or relive it?

Do not go back looking for your old life because the fact of the matter is it's no longer there. You said yourself you don't like the way he looks and acts and that he is violent. It seems to me it's not that you are in love with the man he is now, but the man he used to be. There is no reason for you to adopt a dangerous lifestyle, especially now that as you say you've made a better life for yourself. Try to keep making your life better and don't look back. I know it sounds hard, but the fact that you left in the first place shows that you are smart and strong. You can do this.